When older

September 7th. I am up at 3 AM because I slept before 10 in the evening. I have the energy to do all this—writing and reading later—because I hit the bed early. But I believe the main reason is I am young and have more reserves for intention and action.

I usually get up this early when I have a scheduled trip for work or, back when I was earning my MS degree, to work on my essays. But now, even for the least important reasons, I try to override my body’s inclination to lie down and wait for sunrise.

When I am older, I cannot do all this. When I am older, I will be less in activities.

And this is the root of the fear I have cultivated in my early twenties: not having all the energy to do extra when I reach my sixties.

Yesterday I traveled to Veruela, Agusan del Sur with my workmates. As soon as we left the city and entered an array of rural exquisites, my thinking led to imagining my older self. I would recall this trip and the seemingly random escapes the warmest to the eyes.

We pulled over around Rosario for breakfast. The first time I ate there was also with my workmates in 2021. I remember we intended to visit our farmers in Rosario that day. It was foggy then because it was around 6 AM. We were early, but there was no rush, which made the experience look easy. Yesterday was also cloudy. And a similar feeling rushed back to me with the realization to enjoy what is on our plates right now.

Being young is a blessing but the idea of having more time left is a trap. In reality, we do not have much time on our hands. As a reminder for those who suspend life today for temporary urgencies: experiencing other things is non-negotiable. We are not getting any younger.